Women Hoo Embarrass Women

KATE HUDSON & A-ROD: SAY IT ISN'T SO, AGAIN

Could we please?
Could we girls please just right here and now agree that all of us who are reasonably smart, cute, funny and/or successful stay light years away from A-Rod, who, as we have pointed out, feels free to put his thing-a-ma-jig any old place it will fit?
Bethenny Frankel listened to us and seems to have not let anything move past a single date.
Thank you, Bethenny.
Bethenny fancies herself as a skinny girl, but she is a smart skinny girl. So she passed on A-Rod like a smart girl would pass on swapping spit with a boy in the middle of a bad case of swine flu.
Now, we are hearing reports that Kate Hudson is hanging out with him. I don't know if Kate is smart or funny. But she sure is cute and successful. Be one of us Kate, see the swininess beneath his good looks and send him back to his alleged little black book that allegedly includes alleged girls-for-hire. 

OCTO-SICKO MOM SULEMAN $ FOR OCTO-SICKO TV

We knew it was coming. We just didn't know when the deal would be inked.
The unemployed, single woman who had a too large litter of babies to try, in her own words, to fill her emotional hole, is sticking her babies on TV in exchange for money.
Of course she is.
Suleman's lawyer, presumably acting as her spokesperson now that a few public relations firms have fired Octo-sicko for being just that, confirms Suleman has agreed to put her babies, so numerous no one or two or five people could conceivably provide them adequate developmental care, on national TV for cash.
I for one am going to wait to decide to tune in to TV coverage about Suleman and her troop.
For fifteen or twenty years. When reporters flock to cover signs of Sicko's decisions in the form of her kids' invariable and icky attachment disorders and other emotional problems that show up in kids with whack job moms who use kids to meet their own sicko needs. And then, I will only tune in long enough to say told ya'.

TAKING A PASS ON JFK's LOVER's BOOK

I don't think I'll be reading Mimi Beardsley Alford's life story, coming to a bookstore near you soon. Nothing against the woman. She may be a lovely woman these days. Mimi is a 66 year old retired church administrator from New York who had an affair with President Kennedy while she was a college intern in the White House. She is coming out of her affair-closet after sitting in it quietly for 40 years. Writing a book about boinking a married man at work, and no doubt getting paid handsomely for it.  What the heck. She is retired. The guy she married and divorced is now dead. The married man who swooned over her to get her into bed is too.  Mimi smells a cha-ching and is going for it.

I don't think I'll be laying out money to hear Mimi's story. A young willing woman who didn't mind having a fling with a guy whose wife was upstairs. A philandering kinda guy, who happened to hold public office,  noticed her, tested out her willingness, and took her up on it. The End.

Wouldn't spend money to read Monica's story either.

I had several tours of duty as an intern. One in high school at a state capitol. One in college in Washington, DC. Another in grad school. In those beautifully powerful buildings with ornate halls and people whose jobs I really wanted, I tried to dress, walk, talk and work as professionally as a kid could. Every now and then I felt like a policy maker. Helping all kinds of important people shape the future. So what that I was writing letters to angry citizens or taking notes at hearings. Letters and notes were part of the machine, I figured. It was a chance to learn stuff, make impressions, build a resume. Don't care to pay women who took the same kinds of opportunities at the same stage in life to boink the boss.

HOW ABOUT A VIDEO ABOUT GIRLS WHO MADE HOW TO KILL VIDEO?

Perhaps the biggest all time Whew! to the youngest ladies ever to grace this space.

Two girls, 11 and 12 years old, from Washington state, made what they thought was an entertaining video suggesting ways a classmate of theirs might die. Hanging, shooting, poisoning. All fine options, according to these young ladies.  So fine, they popped the video on YouTube for the world to see.

Law enforcement said it won't take action because it was not done with malice or hate.

What?

Can we just agree that discussing how best to end a person's life is inherently hateful or at least swimming in malice?  If not, what the &%* is it? Funny? Cute, if it comes from a person under a certain age? 

The school the girls attend won't say how they were disciplined, in light of privacy concerns.  And no word from the parents on how they dealt with their sweeties.

I say this: the subject of the video oughta make her very own little YouTube worthy video stating the facts and only the facts about who these girls are, what they did, where they go to school, who their parents are and other simply identifying life factoids. And, she should keep updating it so who they are and what they did is evident, with a quick search, to the colleges these girls apply to, their potential employers and the cute boys they wanna date...

PILOTS DIVORCE FOR CASH

ABC News reports that Continental airline is claiming, through a lawsuit, that nine of its pilots divorced their spouses - all of whom were named as the beneficiary for their pensions. And then remarried the very same spouse once the cash started flowing to them.

Ahh, love re-found.  Or, alimony on its head. 

I would be happy never to hear the phrase "protecting marriage" again. At least until we, collectively, treat it like a thing worth protecting, the phrase should be banned. 

According to the lawsuit, filed in Texas, the pilots and their spouses divorced to take advantage of a quirk in federal pension law that lets a former spouse who is a beneficiary in a pension receive all or a portion of the dough in the event the marriage goes ka-put. 

The Continental suit alleges that even if the divorces were legal under the law - all the papers were all proper and so on -  the divorces were "subterfuges or sham transactions in that the Defendant-pilots and their respective Defendant-spouses had no intention of disassociating as marital partners but obtained the divorce decrees ... for the purpose of providing the Defendant-pilots access to lump sum distributions of their pensions without having to retire or otherwise separate from active employment."

Even if the suit gets tossed, if the fact pattern is true, the pilots and their spouses make a major mockery of marriage. The institution bunches of people, in California and elsewhere, seek to "protect" for heterosexual couples. (Wanna bet all the pilots and their spouses fall into that camp?) They also mock the right to divorce - a terribly painful part of too many lives.

BLAGOJEVICH: "I'M A CELEBRITY...GET ME OUT OF HERE"

Patti Blagojevich, curse-spewing wife of former Illinois Governor Rod, who thought the best way to support his family was sellin' an appointment to a U.S. Senate seat, has a new gig.
Forgettabout makin' money by auctioning off public offices. The Blagojevich family will make its money the old fashioned way: reality TV appearances.
Rod wanted to do it himself. But a judge said no. Because the show is being filmed in Costa Rica, so Rod would have had to leave the country. And while federal corruption charges are pending against him, a judge thought it best that Rod stay put.
Enter Patti.
She will fly to LA to shoot a promotion for NBC's new reality show called "I'm a Celebrity....Get Me Out of Here".
On the Today show, Patti said she hopes her participation on the show will help her establish she is not the profanity-spewing person the federal wiretaps captured and played to the world. (Note to Patti: tapes do not portray a person as anything but precisely what they are...it's a tape, after all.)
Going out on a limb here to make a wild prediction: NBC's "I'm a Celebrity...Get Me out of Here" is going to die a speedy death. Don't even need to see it to leap there. If from the outset the best NBC can do is recruit wives of guys with lego-man-style hair who are up on federal charges and label her a celebrity for purposes of the show, it's goin' down.
S'pose what Patti might accomplish by splitting for Costa Rica is getting her two small kids used to being in a single parent household before dad likely departs for the big house....

MARY KAY LETOURNEAU: HOSTING BAR NIGHT

Mary Kay Letourneau and her former sixth grade student with whom she had an intimate relationship when she was a married- mother- of- four- grammar- school- teacher, are hosting a "Hot for Teacher" night at a local bar. The then little boy she slept with is now her husband and the father of two of her kids. She served over seven years in prison for raping the then-child.

Forget Mary Kay. She is an official sick whack-job. So no surprises that today, at 47, her brain, and its inability to use judgment, does not keep her from - presumably - trying to make some cash from her teacher/child sex crime.

But, a loud, deafening boo to any moron - man, woman or other - of any age that walks into Mary Kay's bar night and implicitly condones her intensely disturbed life.

The bar owner says hey, she did her time behind bars, she is allowed to have some fun. Adults committing crimes against children is well, criminal. Boo to the bar owner, too, for promoting a crime as fun.

WORKERS PEEK @ OCTO-SICKO SULEMAN'S RECORDS

The hospital where Octo-sicko had her last litter was fined a quarter of a million dollars by the state.
Why?

Because almost two dozen employees, some of whom were doctors, took an illegal peek at Octo-sicko's medical records, CNN reports.

The hospital said 15 employees were given the heave-ho. Eight more got reprimanded for tapping into her computerized medical records.

No reports  that any of the information was  leaked to news outlets.

Medical privacy matters, good the hospital took action and proper for the state to be all over it, yadda, yadda, yadda. But, good grief. The woman is a once-in-a-medical-professional's-lifetime reproductive and psychiatric freak show. If Hannibal Lecter was checked into a psych ward, how many of forensic psychologists would go take a peek? 

SATAN GOES TO MISS USA. REALLY.

Satan goes to Miss USA pageants. It's true.

US News and World Report printed the transcript of a James Dobson/"Faith and the Family" interview with the woman the Miss California purchased a chest for, Carrie Prejean.

Carrie explains Satan was at the Miss USA pageant on her infamous night. And the Devil didn't just go and show off his Prada. No. He (let us agree now Satan is a boy, probably a white one, most likely middle-aged) had a little something to do with the Q&A part of the competition.  Apparently, Satan believes any two people should be able to get married and tried to trip Carrie up by making her talk about her deeply held view of "opposite marriage".   

Dobson: Why did you give the answer you did with regard to the affirmation of marriage?

Prejean: . . . I felt as though Satan was trying to tempt me in asking me this question. And then God was in my head and in my heart saying, "Do not compromise this. You need to stand up for me and you need to share with all these people . . . you need to witness to them and you need to show that you're not willing to compromise that for this title of Miss USA."

Carrie also said this: "...don't ever compromise that just for pleasing them. Your goal should be to please God, not to please man.." "...And I knew right here that it wasn't about winning. It was about being true to my convictions."

Here are a few questions Satan needs to plant for Carrie in her next competition: Did Carrie get fake boobs in preparation for the pageant to please God, and not to please man? Huh? Did God tell Carrie she ought to trade in her God-given B's for man-made, bought and paid for DD's?  Or was that about getting extra applause from some dudes during the bathing suit parade? And how about those capped teeth? Did God tell Carrie her God-given teeth had to go? Or did Carrie decide boys prefer factory made pearly whites? Did God counsel Carrie the hair tone she was born with was wholly uninspiring? Or, was addin' a little blond zing about pleasing a man or two?

MOTHERS' DAY

I have a relatively new perspective on Mothers' Day.
Heretofore, meaning most of my life, I viewed Mothers' Day through the lens of my own mother.
Who doesn't?
So for me, Mothers' Day was thinking about a whiz bang-devoted-get-it-done-deal-with-stuff-whatever-it-may-be-these-are-my-kids-dammit kinda person. So when life allowed her to be about PTA, there she was. When life required she deal with hard issues that her kids fed up to her, there she was. When she found herself unexpectedly a sole head of household with bills to pay, there she was. 
A sister of mine is the same. When life allows PTA to be a focus, there she is making a town halfway across the US from her family feel incredibly home-towny and root-filled for her kids. When she sees issues in her kids that it might be easier to chalk up to whatever parents chalk things up to - the boys-will-be-boys-thats-just-the-way-he-is crap that make parents feel better about themselves but doesn't address stuff - she gets really aggressive about sorting it out and making sure they get what they need. (You go girl.)
These are the women for whom Mothers' Day was made.
Thanks, flowers, massages, Hallmarks and bubble baths to them.
As an older daughter, my own mother is no longer the only mother-lens available to me. So I think differently about Mothers' Day today than I did in decades past.
I think about the mothers I have known who have pumped out more than one kid and then not raised them to be independent, emotionally stable adults. About mothers who saw problems, educational and behaviorial, and did nothing at all. Because, well you know well, the kid was tough and well you know, issues are hard and well, that's just the way the kid is and you know, they say some kids grow out of this and that and so, you know.... About mothers whose lives were unexpectedly turned upside down and who sat on their booties, angry, raising angry kids. About mothers who think the obligations of mothering are more or less done by the time the kids need pay-for-it education. (It don't end when they stop smellin' sweet....)
So today, as I look back at fabulous moms and at moms for whom early tube tying was invented, I sorta get incensed at the idea of all of them be honored in the same way on the same day. It so diminishes the hit-it-out-of-the-ball-park moms.
To them, Happy Day, Happy Year, Eternal Gratitude. You deserve your very own day.