Women Hoo Embarrass Women

LISA MARIE PRESLEY & WHAT JACKSON REALLY NEEDED

Lisa Marie Presley, ex-spouse of Michael Jackson in the legal sense of the word anyway, whose til-death-do-us-part-commitment to Jackson lasted 20 months, is torn up.
Don't know alot of ex-spouses who would be as seemingly ripped apart at the passing of an ex as she seems to be.
But then, maybe the fleeting nature of thier life-long commitment allowed her to maintain some not so nasty ex-style feelings.
Presley writes that her relationship with the pop king was too emotionally taxing. "I became very ill and emotionally/spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him", she says. She confesses to being ".. in over my head while trying."
I get it. Some people in desparate need of help suck you in and down. Bottomless pits of need who keep sucking until you grab the largest white flag you can find and waive it desparately back at 'em and then run and hide.
But her current oozing of emotion for the man is sounding a little hollow, gotta say. Even if she, personally, was in over her head and couldn't help him anymore, okie doke. We all have just one life; its so ok not to dedicate it to someone else's nuttiness. But if she loved the guy as she claims, seems she woulda found a way to substitute her own amatuer intervention in the form of a short marriage with some sort of professional help for the guy. 

KATE HUDSON & A-ROD: SAY IT ISN'T SO, AGAIN

Could we please?
Could we girls please just right here and now agree that all of us who are reasonably smart, cute, funny and/or successful stay light years away from A-Rod, who, as we have pointed out, feels free to put his thing-a-ma-jig any old place it will fit?
Bethenny Frankel listened to us and seems to have not let anything move past a single date.
Thank you, Bethenny.
Bethenny fancies herself as a skinny girl, but she is a smart skinny girl. So she passed on A-Rod like a smart girl would pass on swapping spit with a boy in the middle of a bad case of swine flu.
Now, we are hearing reports that Kate Hudson is hanging out with him. I don't know if Kate is smart or funny. But she sure is cute and successful. Be one of us Kate, see the swininess beneath his good looks and send him back to his alleged little black book that allegedly includes alleged girls-for-hire. 

SATAN GOES TO MISS USA. REALLY.

Satan goes to Miss USA pageants. It's true.

US News and World Report printed the transcript of a James Dobson/"Faith and the Family" interview with the woman the Miss California purchased a chest for, Carrie Prejean.

Carrie explains Satan was at the Miss USA pageant on her infamous night. And the Devil didn't just go and show off his Prada. No. He (let us agree now Satan is a boy, probably a white one, most likely middle-aged) had a little something to do with the Q&A part of the competition.  Apparently, Satan believes any two people should be able to get married and tried to trip Carrie up by making her talk about her deeply held view of "opposite marriage".   

Dobson: Why did you give the answer you did with regard to the affirmation of marriage?

Prejean: . . . I felt as though Satan was trying to tempt me in asking me this question. And then God was in my head and in my heart saying, "Do not compromise this. You need to stand up for me and you need to share with all these people . . . you need to witness to them and you need to show that you're not willing to compromise that for this title of Miss USA."

Carrie also said this: "...don't ever compromise that just for pleasing them. Your goal should be to please God, not to please man.." "...And I knew right here that it wasn't about winning. It was about being true to my convictions."

Here are a few questions Satan needs to plant for Carrie in her next competition: Did Carrie get fake boobs in preparation for the pageant to please God, and not to please man? Huh? Did God tell Carrie she ought to trade in her God-given B's for man-made, bought and paid for DD's?  Or was that about getting extra applause from some dudes during the bathing suit parade? And how about those capped teeth? Did God tell Carrie her God-given teeth had to go? Or did Carrie decide boys prefer factory made pearly whites? Did God counsel Carrie the hair tone she was born with was wholly uninspiring? Or, was addin' a little blond zing about pleasing a man or two?

MISS CALIFORNIA BOOBS: BOUGHT AND PAID FOR

Miss California, Carrie Prejean, the practiced yet inarticulate woman who believes marriage should be between "opposites", has a fake implanted chest bought and paid for by the Miss California pageant.
It was all about confidence, the pageant 'splains.
(She lost Miss USA. Does the pageant get them back? If I managed the pageant, I can tell you I would today own that chest. Hand 'em over, a contract clause would have demanded.)
Anyway, if you want to "enhance the line" here is what Miss California pageant representatives say you do: "You use chicken cutlets. [man-made, we hope] You use tape. [ow] You use anything that you can to enhance the line."...."It's just a matter of whether or not you want to go to that next level."
Socks, undies, scraps of old rags. Stuff em in there, "enhance the line" and make it to the "next level". Because this is about scholarship. And world peace.
Jesus. Why didn't anyone tell me this before? When I wanted to take it to the "next level" I went to law school.
*$^*%.
All I needed was some tape.
Read more here.

BETHENNY FRANKEL: REPORTS SAY SMART DECISIONS

Say it's so Bethenny.
We knew you were no desperate wanna-be housewife.
And A-Rod is no guy who merits the company of a smart, capable girl.
News reports suggest Bethenny did not get smitten by A-Rod's dough. (In this girl's view, mucho dinero is all the guy offers...)
ET reports Bethenny says she is dating alot of "different, interesting" people and that she has not found Mr. Right.
Miami Herald reports she is having fun, making money on her new book - enough to take taxis - and that A-Rod has been spotted with another person around town.
And the NY Daily News says Bethenny was "snippy" when on a book tour a reporter asked her about A-Rod. She wouldn't answer; she was there to promote her book.
Cheers to Bethenny, her book, lots of new book-related money and her not wanting publicity about her book to be entangled with a guy who allegedly boinked around town(s) while his wife was home raising his kids.
You go girl.

LINDSAY LOHAN LIKE, NEEDS FOOD AND A THERAPIST

Lindsay Lohan needs to eat a hamburger. And fast. Little cheese on there would help.

She was Ellen this week and looked awfully like one of those stick-like models that create talk about eating disorders. Not sayin' Lindsay has one of course. She just looks like the people who are paid to have one.

Tendons should not be obvious.

Since I am pretty good at figuring out what a girl like Lindsay needs, I also say she needs a therapist. And fast. One who has lots of availability would help.

Of her break up with Samantha, Lindsay told Ellen: "I had no idea what was going on. I just hadn't seen her in, like, a week. She, like, disappeared." Then, "When you don't know you're breaking up. Really weird."  Yes. Really Weird.

Lindsay also declared that she has not done anything to leave an impression that she could be dangerous.

I feel safer now.

 

BETHENNY FRANKEL: CALL ME

Oh my god. I am hyperventilating at the news. A Rod hooking up with Bethenny Frankel of the Real Housewives of NY City. Right, right, right: she is not a housewife so what the hell is she on the housewives show for, everyone wonders. But, she is smart and caustic and in your face. So why on earth would she even allow herself to be rumored to be with a guy whose thing-a-ma-jig wanders randomly?
Call Me Bethenny. 

GISELE: HOLD THAT COOING UNTIL YOU GET A WHIF

Maybe its not in the embarrassment category. But boy is she naive....
Gisele Bundchen, new wife of Tom Brady, is giddy and cooing with happiness over her circumstance. New handsome husband. And his year and a half old son. Whose mom, Tom's ex, Gisele has never met. Repeat: Has never met.
Of course she is happy and cooing and delighted. 
Just wait, Gisele.
The kid, who will almost invariably have "issues" after being torn between mom and dad, will someday learn to speak. And at least some of his life angst will come at you, Gisele. Oh, yes. One way or another.
And someday, you will meet the mom. Oh, yes. And her "issues" not resolved in therapy will come out at you, Gisele. And you will be forced, for the good of others, to bite your tongue through to uncompromising pain.
Maybe prudent for Gisele to temper her public cooing until she gets the real whif of her husband's reality.
Just sayin'.

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL WANNA-BEs FOILED

Reports are that wanna-be models lined up outside an audition for America's Next Top Model broke out into chaos when an over heated car went boom and a few antsy folks yelled something about a bomb. Hospitalization and arrests for inciting a riot followed.

Here is what the New York Daily News reported happened in advance of the thing that went boom and freaked the skinny girls.

The wanna be models were told if they got out of line, that was it. Dream foiled. So, a lady from the Bronx reports she had to "pee in a cup". Thanks for sharing. Likely her neighbors appreciated the thoughtfulness associated with using a cup compared to her other options.

Cops came and put barricades along the street. A handful of women then fainted upon being pressed up against a wall by the masses of young women in high heels. Some girls were accompanied by boys. Two of the boys didn't care for each other, and the verbal jabs turned physical. One of them threatened to return with a gun when the cops separated them. That's when the smoking car pulled up, the barricade fell down and wave of wanna be models ran for their lives, through, over and by each other. Yada, yada, yada.

The really regrettable part of the day was not fainting ladies, not men fighting and threatening to use weapons to straighten things and people out, not humans trampling humans and not even pee right there on the street. It was, according to the ladies, that after the stampede, no more girls were allowed to audition. Wealth and stardom for the masses, foiled. 

Full story here.

JENNIFER ANISTON & $50,000 ON HAIR. HAIR.

I love Jennifer Aniston. When her husband unloaded her for a co-worker with too many tattoos, I loved her a just little more. I love her a little more every time the news refuses to report anything at all about her without mentioning the someone with too many tattoos.
Today, I love her just a little less.
FOX news reports that when Jennifer was in London promoting Marley and Me - a book I cannot finish as Marley started having aging issues with tons of pages to go - she spent $50,000 on her hair. Her Hair. Hair.
Here is how one can spend $50,000 on hair in a flash: sign up for $2,000 hair styling sessions. Uh-huh. $2,000. Two thousand dollars.
How many Americans spend that, or less, for a roof over their families' heads for a month? Or can't.
Add to the $2,000 styling session a first class plane ride from LA to London, where Jennifer's hair was waiting. Frizzy and un-sun-kissed.
Then, add seven days all expenses paid in some fierce London digs for the guy whose hands - when applied to hair - are worth $2,000 per session.
Bam! $50,000. On hair. Hair.
I might give Jennifer a pass on spending $50,000 on her hair - Hair - if she made a matching grant to hair products for women going through chemo who could use a wig, or maybe fancy hat, to help them through one of the distressing side effects of cancer treatment.
It's her money. So she can set it aflame if it tickles her. Or spend it on her hair.But it's freakin' Hair.
Read the full report here.

PS: A reader offered - politely, thank you - the observation that lots of celebs may do this and the media is globbing onto Jennifer Aniston, which may be unfair to her. Couldn't agree more. If others spend that sort of dough to drag their hair care-r around the world for movie promos and so on, let's call them on it, too. Absolutely. I myself can't get out there and investigate such things first hand because I like, um, you know, well, uh, am not in the weekly income category of ah, you know, say the man responsible for Jennifer's hair .....