Women Hoo Embarrass Women

HOW ABOUT A VIDEO ABOUT GIRLS WHO MADE HOW TO KILL VIDEO?

Perhaps the biggest all time Whew! to the youngest ladies ever to grace this space.

Two girls, 11 and 12 years old, from Washington state, made what they thought was an entertaining video suggesting ways a classmate of theirs might die. Hanging, shooting, poisoning. All fine options, according to these young ladies.  So fine, they popped the video on YouTube for the world to see.

Law enforcement said it won't take action because it was not done with malice or hate.

What?

Can we just agree that discussing how best to end a person's life is inherently hateful or at least swimming in malice?  If not, what the &%* is it? Funny? Cute, if it comes from a person under a certain age? 

The school the girls attend won't say how they were disciplined, in light of privacy concerns.  And no word from the parents on how they dealt with their sweeties.

I say this: the subject of the video oughta make her very own little YouTube worthy video stating the facts and only the facts about who these girls are, what they did, where they go to school, who their parents are and other simply identifying life factoids. And, she should keep updating it so who they are and what they did is evident, with a quick search, to the colleges these girls apply to, their potential employers and the cute boys they wanna date...

PILOTS DIVORCE FOR CASH

ABC News reports that Continental airline is claiming, through a lawsuit, that nine of its pilots divorced their spouses - all of whom were named as the beneficiary for their pensions. And then remarried the very same spouse once the cash started flowing to them.

Ahh, love re-found.  Or, alimony on its head. 

I would be happy never to hear the phrase "protecting marriage" again. At least until we, collectively, treat it like a thing worth protecting, the phrase should be banned. 

According to the lawsuit, filed in Texas, the pilots and their spouses divorced to take advantage of a quirk in federal pension law that lets a former spouse who is a beneficiary in a pension receive all or a portion of the dough in the event the marriage goes ka-put. 

The Continental suit alleges that even if the divorces were legal under the law - all the papers were all proper and so on -  the divorces were "subterfuges or sham transactions in that the Defendant-pilots and their respective Defendant-spouses had no intention of disassociating as marital partners but obtained the divorce decrees ... for the purpose of providing the Defendant-pilots access to lump sum distributions of their pensions without having to retire or otherwise separate from active employment."

Even if the suit gets tossed, if the fact pattern is true, the pilots and their spouses make a major mockery of marriage. The institution bunches of people, in California and elsewhere, seek to "protect" for heterosexual couples. (Wanna bet all the pilots and their spouses fall into that camp?) They also mock the right to divorce - a terribly painful part of too many lives.

MOTHERS' DAY

I have a relatively new perspective on Mothers' Day.
Heretofore, meaning most of my life, I viewed Mothers' Day through the lens of my own mother.
Who doesn't?
So for me, Mothers' Day was thinking about a whiz bang-devoted-get-it-done-deal-with-stuff-whatever-it-may-be-these-are-my-kids-dammit kinda person. So when life allowed her to be about PTA, there she was. When life required she deal with hard issues that her kids fed up to her, there she was. When she found herself unexpectedly a sole head of household with bills to pay, there she was. 
A sister of mine is the same. When life allows PTA to be a focus, there she is making a town halfway across the US from her family feel incredibly home-towny and root-filled for her kids. When she sees issues in her kids that it might be easier to chalk up to whatever parents chalk things up to - the boys-will-be-boys-thats-just-the-way-he-is crap that make parents feel better about themselves but doesn't address stuff - she gets really aggressive about sorting it out and making sure they get what they need. (You go girl.)
These are the women for whom Mothers' Day was made.
Thanks, flowers, massages, Hallmarks and bubble baths to them.
As an older daughter, my own mother is no longer the only mother-lens available to me. So I think differently about Mothers' Day today than I did in decades past.
I think about the mothers I have known who have pumped out more than one kid and then not raised them to be independent, emotionally stable adults. About mothers who saw problems, educational and behaviorial, and did nothing at all. Because, well you know well, the kid was tough and well you know, issues are hard and well, that's just the way the kid is and you know, they say some kids grow out of this and that and so, you know.... About mothers whose lives were unexpectedly turned upside down and who sat on their booties, angry, raising angry kids. About mothers who think the obligations of mothering are more or less done by the time the kids need pay-for-it education. (It don't end when they stop smellin' sweet....)
So today, as I look back at fabulous moms and at moms for whom early tube tying was invented, I sorta get incensed at the idea of all of them be honored in the same way on the same day. It so diminishes the hit-it-out-of-the-ball-park moms.
To them, Happy Day, Happy Year, Eternal Gratitude. You deserve your very own day.

CRAIGSLIST KILLER's GIRLFRIEND NEEDS A FRIEND

The other day, I did not Whew! the girlfriend of the accused Craigslist Killer Philip Markoff. Too tragic. For too many people. And, if what the evidence suggests is true, the clean cut med student is a mighty fine actor, including performances for his girlfriend, Megan McAllister. Instead, I simply said good for the poor girl to learn this now before she became the Mrs. of a guy who allegedly commits violent crimes against women and then comes home to plant a big smooch on her.

Fast forward. Megan McAllister yesterday said she still stands by her man, and reminded us of the constitution. Innocent until proven guilty, she says. Absolutely.

But, but, but.

When the cops find crime victims underwear under your boyfriend's bed, when a gun found inside your boyfriend's apartment is a forensic match to casings on bullets used to shoot and kill a victim (according to ABC News ...), when the plastic restraining ties used in an attack at a hotel in Rhode Island on a woman who had advertised "erotic services" match plastic ties found in your love's apartment, and when he reportedly tells his brother during a jail cell visit that "more is coming out", maybe it is time to be quiet. Just for now, hold the lecture about the constitution and your undying love until all the alleged stuff is cleared up. One way or another.

And oh, Markoff is still wearing the paper clothing that he was given when he was put on a suicide watch. Never been held on a crime I didn't commit. But gosh. Kinda think that if I was locked up for a crime I did not commit, sorta wonder whether the last thing I'm gonna do is think about offing myself. No. I'm going to think about getting out, directing people to evidence of my innocence which would be readily available, clearing my name and suing the people who wrongly damaged my reputation - or whatever - for delightful amounts of money. And I'm gonna think about the travel I'll do on thier dime.  

I get the whole unconditional love thing. As my sister reminds me, parents' love for their kiddos stands strong even in the face of bad, disturbing, and even creepy behavior. Jeffry Dahmer's dad visited him in jail and professed continued love and support even after police found body parts, like hearts, of Jeffrey's victims hidden in his apartment. Dad still loved little Jeffrey.

But Megan is no hard-wired-to-love-mom to little Philip. A friend of hers should tell her to save the public professions of unconditional love.

CRAIGSLIST WIFE- TO- BE IS LUCKY, ASSUMING SHE BAILS

The Craigslist Killer Boy/Clean Cut Medical Student who was engaged to be married had a woman standing by him, her man. At least in the hours following his arrest. It was a set-up, the bride to be was sure. So confident, she emailed a few news outlets like ABC to be sure they knew what she knew. Her love could not hurt a fly.

She was so lovely toward him and their life ever after, she had a web site to communicate about their upcoming wedding, named cutely, in a sugar-y please-stop kind of way, after the two of them. ("name-name.com").

No Whew! to the wife- to- be. Too tragic all around. Too sick. Assuming what is alleged is true, he is a profound sicko. Assuming what looks to be his schtick is his schtick, he was a PhD at covering his real sick self and it worked on her, too. 

So, here is hoping former wife- to- be sees what allegedly is. And counts her blessings that her honey's alleged predisposition toward violent personal crimes against women busted wide open before she became the Mrs. And before they popped little ones.

SURGERY-ING HER WAY TO TWINNING WITH HER DAUGHTER...

When you are 50, you should look, ummm, 50ish.

50-ISH because if you doing things like stay out of the sun, eat doritos only on occasion, sleep well, and not regularly scrunch your forehead in towards your nose when you are really annoyed, you might look a bit under 50. But you should look roughly proximate to the number of decades you have actually wandered around. And if that number is five, then there you have it. 50ish.

Unless you are the no-self-esteem-and-deeply-sickly-jealous-of-your-daughter type.

A woman in Britain was. So she sunk $15,000 into surgery to make her look for more like her offspring, who is 22 years her junior.  Bought herself blond hair extensions. A chest. Gotta have one of those. Fixed her eyes, nose. And plumped up the lips to be pouty and arguably more kiss-worthy.

Her explanation: 'I envied Jane's crinkle-free eyes, full lips and luscious, long blonde hair,' says Janet. 'I was desperate to look more like my daughter, but knew no wrinkle creams could ever wind back the clock that far.'......'The way I see it is that she got her looks from me in the first place - mine have just faded with age.'

Newly fattened boobs and lips were not enough to preserve her marriage, or the long relationship she had thereafter. So she moved in with the very daughter who served as the model for her surgeons. Daughter says this: 'Actually, I love us looking the same, we're closer than ever and she's the sister I always wanted and never had.'

Read full account here.

WOMAN JUMPS TO BEARS @ ZOO

Moron.
A woman jumped into the polar bear pond and then swam toward the bears at the Berlin Zoo during feeding time. Six zookeepers helped distract some of them from her until she was pulled out. At least one took a few chomps of her. Apparently of her arms and legs rather than her head, although a lobotomy might have done her well.
Moron.
Full story here.
Pictures from the Daily Mail.

EASTER

A break from the usual Whew! for an Easter moment.

Not that I need a moment to brunch with people I like. Or with people who are related to me one way or another. Or to munch on a chocolate Bunny. 

I need a moment to spew about the nonsensical nature of Easter. And its trappings.

I think I am supposed to get Easter, having spent at least my earliest years under the daily tutelage of Sister Mary Mary. I didn't bail out of her domain early enough to be able to claim it has all washed away like my gray. But I still don't get it.

So for me, Easter Sunday is a day to spread mulch.

It's like this. The underpinnings of Easter connect to a religious figure. (I contend she was a black woman, who looks and sounds exactly like Della Reese. But let's not go there. Lots of people buy the bearded middle-aged white man image. That's ok. None of us was there to meet him or her so whatever image works for you is perfectly peachy and has an equal shot at being right.) And the religious figure connects to a life and death-style monumental event. Heavy stuff this Easter is.

And yet, Easter is all about Bunnies. And Chocolate. Chocolate? And Chocolate Bunnies. Why did the cocoa bean become an Easter-y staple?

And Eggs. Chocolate and Real, provided the Real ones are artificially colored. What do green and blue Eggs have to do with anything at all and who sold us on the idea of dunking boiled Eggs in colored water, anyway? And good god. If you had to pick one food product, other than say a slab of raw meat, not to hide for fear of not finding again, it would be the Egg. Yet hide them we do. If hiding things helps make Easter Easter, I say hide the Easter Chocolate.

Now back to the Bunny. I never met a Bunny that laid an egg. Not one. So I never got the connection. If the Easter Bunny was the Easter Chicken, the Egg-centric nature of the day could make good sense to me. Real or Chocolate.

And how about that Easter Bonnet. Is there a reason we connect Amish-like attire to Easter that Sister Mary Mary didn't care to share with the 4th grade? Sometimes, the Chocolate Bunnies wear a Chocolate Bonnet. Raise your hand if you ever saw a real Bunny in a Bonnet. Thought so.

Then there is the matter of the Easter Basket. Never saw a Bunny that carried a basket. Not once. So what's that all about? Bunnies don't even have the kind of hand-paws that could effectively carry a basket. Hello.

And who said Ham should be the meat de jour of Easter Sunday? Maybe it was only in my house but Easter Hams are a thing. Ham, of course, is a pig part. Easter is all about Bunnies. But, we shove the  Bunny right off the table when it comes to locking in the traditional Easter Sunday menu. Another thing I don't get.  

My true love reminds me Easter is also all about Peeps. But, I enjoy that pure unadulterated sugar hit so let's leave poor Peeps to their one damn day.

It is, in the end, a day to mulch. Whether permitting. Until it all makes more sense.

MOM HARVESTS DEAD SON'S SPERM. Ew.

A gigantic you-need-help Whew! to Missy Evans, mother of Nikolas Evans. Nikolas, 21 died after being punched in the head during a fight in Austin.

Mother Evans headed to court. Not about the person who punched her son dead. That would be too simple. You see, she needed a court's permission to go in there and get her dead son's sperm, and, of course, an order directed to the medical examiner to keep the corpse cold for a while until she could get someone to do surgery on the corpse. A judge said ok. No one had objected. A urologist from the area volunteered her services and says a lot of the sperm is a-ok.

The mother says Nikolas always wanted kids. Fair enough. But did he ever say and if I die way young before that happens, do whatever it takes to bring a biological child of mine into this world after my death? And tell the kid the reason I did this was...because I loved him or her so much before meeting that this seemed the best way forward? Oh, and please pick out a good mother for my kid?

Nikolas' sperm-harvesting-mourning mother should have to go back to court to get permission to do anything at all with the sperm that is not hers.

Can you say Suleman?
Read full story at ABC here.

MARIE DOUGLAS-DAVID: WANDERING OFF THE RESERVATION?

In the saga playing out in court between Marie Douglas-David, 36, and her 67 year old spouse, from whom she is seeking get more than the $43 million a post-nup would provide her, we learn that Marie's husband hired a private detective to follow Douglas-David while she was in Stockholm for at least two weeks in 2004. This would have been two years into her marriage. The AP also reports that her husband, out side of court, said he believed his wife was not being very wife-y. Or rather, being all wife-y with someone else...

"I had reason to suspect that she was off the reservation early in the marriage," he told reporters.